he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
