So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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