I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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