I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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