Already got asked if we're dating
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize