Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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