Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
