it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
high people should be assigned attendants
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
