Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
