im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
