Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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