You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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