I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
