I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
