I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
