You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
someone owes me an orgasm
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
