In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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