The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
