Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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