i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
