I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
