I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
