new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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