If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
