he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
