i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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