your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
