just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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