Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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