I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
