I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
