I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize