youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
