I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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