it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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