yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
