I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
