Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
