found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
