Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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