Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
