i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
