Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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