Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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