What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
