If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
