I cockslap morals
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
