Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
