she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
