Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dicks are not precious.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
