i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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