I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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