I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
