Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize