girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
