you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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