last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
