Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
