i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
