I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
