My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
