I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize