All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
