You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
