I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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