Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
kristin has been a bad kristin
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
