I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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