I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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