White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
