Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
