he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you inspire me to be a worse person
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
